Love Articles
Free articles for your publications
Jacquie has many articles available for reprinting in your company newsletter or e-zine, or to pass on to your friends. You are welcome to reproduce these articles, provided the article is printed in its entirety and the following acknowledgment is included at the end:
© Jacquie Wise - Coach, Counsellor, Speaker, Trainer and Author, specialising in personal, professional and spiritual development (www.wiseways.com.au)
5 Ways to Spend Time with your Kids when you have no time
What will your family remember about you when they're grown up? Are you the 'in absentia' parent… always at the office? It's so hard to find time for the important people in your life when work encroaches on every spare moment. Here are a few ideas to make the little time you have precious and memorable.
The measure of how important our loved ones are to us is measured by the amount of time we spend with them and how much of a priority they are to us. You know you love your kids, and you expect them to know it too. But children know they're loved, not because they're well provided for, but because someone enjoys spending time with them, making them feel special.
How do you find time for your kids, your partner, your friends, your fitness, your private space…all of this outside of long work hours?
The secret lies in catching small moments.
- One-on one time: Kids can often feel forgotten in the hustle of their brothers and sisters. Arrange with your partner how you can each spend time alone with each child. It could mean having a chocolate shake and cake together, going for a walk and talk or tossing a ball in the park while your partner does something else with the others... even showing your child your office and how things work there (as long as you don't get caught up in work and forget your child!) At least once a month of one- on-one time with each child would be ideal. Mark it in your diary and stick to it. Be careful how many times you break promises because of work commitments. You'll be giving the clear message that they're less important.
- Helping time: Any daily household activities can be done together. It's easy to teach kids to tidy up after themselves, or prepare for school if you turn it into a game or a race. What better way can you think of to teach them planning skills, as you plan their week together and what they need to have ready each day?
- Meal times: You may come home too late to join little ones for dinner, but at least there may be Sunday lunch or a picnic. Picnics, by the way, can be a take-away dinner on the floor of the living room. Manners don't go to pot if you lay it out well, or pretend it's a restaurant and dress up for it. Family meal times are where we learn conversation skills, to hear and be heard. Where kids can share our lives as well as have us share theirs.
- Homework time: Of course you're not going to do a project for them, but you could research the internet with them, or help them construct that volcano. Learning a language together can be a hoot. If they're helping you with other things, you have more time to help them with homework.
- Phantom time: If all else fails, and you can't manage a few minutes a day together, you can still let them know they're in your thoughts by slipping little jokes and loving notes in pockets, lunch-boxes, or into school folders, where they'll find them by surprise. Text messages, videoed messages—all good. Especially if they're funny. There are plenty of age-appropriate joke and riddle books to draw on for inspiration. Don't make it a robotic daily habit, just a spontaneous occasional thing, to maintain the surprise.
Teenagers may be less interested in spending time with you, but if you've already established the close relationship through their childhood, they'll still feel that bond with you.
Similarly, special time with your partner is essential. Do you arrange a night out without the kids for just the two of you each month? What about lunch dates?
If you currently do all this for them, as opposed to with them, how are they ever going to learn self-sufficiency? Plus you're missing little moments of togetherness, those little opportunities to chat about what's going on in school.
Kids love to help you cook, or at least prepare meals, if it's made fun. All kinds of household chores, including grocery shopping, can be time spent together. The trick is to start when they're young, so that it becomes an unquestioned habit. The real habit to instil is that a family is a team, and we help each other.
And if you've come home too late to catch them before they've gone to bed, you could leave the message for them to find in the morning as they wake up, so that they know you've been there.
The greatest gift you can give your children is self-esteem.
It's self-esteem that gives them the confidence to be bold in life. It's self-esteem that gives them the strength to resist peer group pressure and the resilience to cope when they get hurt.
Self-esteem comes from feeling you're important, you're ok, you're loved for who you are. That you're special enough for mum and dad to want to connect with you.
Those special memories are what closeness is all about.
Wise Words
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realise they were the big things.
Robert Brault