Archived Articles: Love
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Jacquie has many articles available for reprinting in your company newsletter or e-zine, or to pass on to your friends. You are welcome to reproduce these articles, provided the article is printed in its entirety, a link is provided to www.wiseways.com.au and the following acknowledgment is included at the end:
© Jacquie Wise – Coach, Counsellor, Speaker, Trainer and Author, specialising in personal, professional and spiritual development
Goodwill and All That Jazz
Oh God, it's Christmas again! For some of us, it represents loving warmth or a religious celebration. But for many of us, Christmas means frantic workloads to clear the decks before year-end, brain-wracking gift-buying, guilt about all those we've neglected through the year…are you depressed yet? And then there's the dread of facing various relatives and other species we'd prefer to avoid… You know—paste on the smile, turn on the charm and pray it'll be over soon…
Christmas is a marathon of events that can last several days. (Although, for children, it's all over in one hour.) And the emotional stakes are higher at Christmas. Its family-oriented traditions focus our minds on childhood memories, which may not be all that pleasant. Family members , from whom we've managed to keep a safe distance throughout the year, slide into their old roles as they slide up the driveway.
Somewhere along the way, we got the idea that if we sliced up enough turkey or draped enough tinsel around, our problems would go away and everything would be warm and fuzzy. The belief that we can repair all relationships or repay all debts in the space of one reunion is often what ruins the rest of the year.
Spirit of Christmas? We're supposed to forgive and forget, tolerate and understand…but how do you do that with people who consistently offend, or who are inflexible, unresponsive or unreasonable? Here's a thought that can help:
People are like doors. And every door can be opened, given the right approach. Some doors are wide open—no problem. You can stroll right through. Some doors are more cautious—barely ajar. Maybe even a little stiff. They require gentle persuasion, nudge by tiny nudge. It takes a lot of patience, that's for sure!
Then there are the warped doors. They need a solid kick (in just the right place, of course) to jolt them out of their warped perspective. After that, persistent coaxing can push them the rest of the way.
Some doors have been firmly locked for many years. The hinges are all rusted– they might even be totally overgrown with ivy. These require more effort, to cut back ivy and other obstacles, so that you can at least see what you're dealing with—what the real issue is. Finding the key may be out of the question if it has been lost for years, but you can always get another one cut. Even then, the door won't necessarily open straight away. A little TLC can help—oil in the right places—to ease those stiff hinges into new positions.
The point is that there's always a key that opens every door—it's just a matter of finding it.
A matter of bothering to find the right approach. And of understanding that if a door is tightly shut, there's a reason it's become that way. Perhaps years of neglect. If it's warped, it may be that the door has been forced to adjust to its surroundings, perhaps been impacted by too much heat. If you had to repair a door in your home, you'd probably go to the trouble of doing research to find the best approach, you'd acquire the appropriate tools, maybe ask advice, and you'd dedicate time and effort to make it work.
How much effort do you put into your approach to people? Do you bother to find out what made them the way they are? Do you bother to discover what you need to do differently to reach them? Or do you expect the same approach to work with everyone? Perhaps you just give up, assuming there's nothing you can do to open the channels of communication? Interesting thought.
Whichever way you look at it, if you want a door to open, there's no point standing in front if it issuing commands, or expecting it to open by itself. You have to be prepared to reach out for the handle yourself—to make the first move.
As the year comes to a close…
While we're on the subject of reflecting on the people around us, or the impact we've had on our surroundings over the year consider this:
What trail have you left behind you this year? As a boat carves its way through water, it leaves a wake of waves that spread far beyond its own path. The ripples extend for some distance—sometimes having an impact as far as the farthest shore.
As we carve our way through life, we also leave a trail. It's worth pausing, now and then, to reflect on what kind of trail you are leaving behind you.
Have you left a trail of broken relationships, or a trail of anger and hurt? Has your tendency to be critical left a trail of shattered egos? Or have you left a trail of smiling faces—people who have been uplifted or who have grown because you passed their way?
What about your own aspirations? Have you left a trail of disappointments in yourself, or in your life—or a trail of triumph? What patterns can you identify, as you look at your progress throughout the year? Have your expectations been realistic? Have you committed the appropriate amount of energy, time or other resources to fulfilling your dreams? What has been your contribution to your successes or failures, in comparison with the contribution of others? What loose ends still need to be tidied up before you enter into the new year?
This is what Christmas is all about—to pause, reflect and observe the impact you have on your environment and the people in it, and to take concrete steps to leave behind you a trail of joy, encouragement and peace—your own as well as those whose lives you touch.
Wise Words
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realise they were the big things.
Robert Brault