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© Jacquie Wise – Coach, Counsellor, Speaker, Trainer and Author, specialising in personal, professional and spiritual development
Building Confidence for a Positive, Productive Life
'The Age'
We have all had things we wanted to do, but were afraid to try. "I'll do it when I get confident", we say. But where will this confidence come from?
If we have never analysed what confidence is, we might think there is something wrong with us for not having it. We tend to envy confident people, wishing we could have been born that way too.
We don't see the hours of practice or study to which they committed themselves to or the courage it might have taken for them to overcome their fears. All we see is the end result .Think of confident people you know. Do they not have certain characteristics in common?
These include a strong sense of direction, a feeling of competence, the courage to be themselves without seeking approval, the ability to make decisions quickly and express opinions assertively…If you examine how they acquired their confidence, you will see it is within your reach if you take the same action. Some of these are:
- Shaping your life with a clear plan to ensure you meet your needs and values.
Gathering small achievements step by step, to increase your experience, which generates that feeling of competence.
Accepting yourself the way you are. Knowing that you are improving in your chosen way can strengthen your resilience against criticism.
Knowing what you want reduces decision-making anxiety, taking risks develops your intuition and judgement. - Learning assertiveness techniques will enable you to express well-researched opinions easily.
Gaining confidence is a bit like building a house. You need strong foundations as well as a solid structure to prevent it from crumbling.
The way you think sets the foundation for success or failure. Lack of confidence is caused by self doubt. That inner critic who continually tells you that you can't - you will never make it - you're stupid for believing you ever could - will gnaw away at your foundations, leaving you with feelings of anxiety and depression.
Increasing confidence, then, begins with eliminating negative self-talk. Become aware of what you are saying to yourself when you approach something fearful or when you have disappointed yourself.
Change labels like "incompetent" or "stupid" to more tolerant words like "inexperienced" and you will realise that you can become increasingly capable as you work to gain that necessary experience.
Accomplish; build; face; create: all action words. The long-term pay-off for enjoying a successful professional life will far outweigh the short-term anguish.
Change is never easy; which is why it takes courage (and a little desperation) to motivate you.
One of the attitudes we can learn from confident people is that, not only is it OK to fail, but it is necessary to fail in order to be successful, and no-one will be as intolerant of our mistakes as we are.
Successful people know that to experience a failure is not to be a failure.It takes time to discard old habits. Accept that you won't get it right all the time - once in a while is great! When you have accepted the possibility of making mistakes, you have nothing more to lose.
That automatically means you have everything to gain if you focus on the solution!After each attempt, focus on those things your did right, not on those you did wrong. Even the fact that you made an attempt is a success! Decide on what you will do differently next time, to improve.
Then get right into creating another opportunity without delay. It is like getting right back on the horse after you've fallen off.So - you have established your solid foundation with the right attitude. Next, build that strong structure with a plan that is both specific and realistic.
Pick one or two techniques to work on at any one time. The more constantly your try that particular technique, the quicker it will become a new habit. Once it becomes automatic, it becomes comfortable.
That's what confidence is - that comfortableness.
Wise Words
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realise they were the big things.
Robert Brault